You Don’t Need Another Vision Board: You Need Your Needs Met (Here’s How)

You don’t need another vision board.

You need a nervous system that’s not living like it’s being chased by a bear… in a Target… on a Tuesday… while your kid is asking for a snack they already have in their hand.

Because most of us already know what we “should” do.

Drink water. Sleep. Move your body. Ask for help. Stop saying yes to everything. Eat something that isn’t your kid’s cold leftover nuggets.

And yet we’re still out here white-knuckling life, snapping over spilled milk, and wondering why our “intentions” disappear the second the day gets loud.

So let’s talk about needs and intentions—why unmet needs matter, why intentions often fail, and how to make them stick in real life, not Pinterest-life.

Like… the version where your kids are melting down, your inbox looks like a crime scene of dead emails, and you’re one noise away from throwing your phone off the fridge.

By the end of this, you’ll know how to:

Identify your real needs (without guilt turning it into a whole shame spiral)
Turn those needs into boundaries + support
Set intentions that don’t vanish the second life gets to life

Quick disclaimer: educational, not therapy. But yes, tools you can use today.

First, a reality check: unmet needs are everywhere (and it’s not because people are lazy)

In the U.S., only 47% of people with a mental health condition received professional help last year—meaning more than half had unmet needs even though treatment exists.

That’s not just a “stat.” That’s millions of families trying to function without support.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “Yep. That’s me. I’m the support. I’m the system. I’m the one holding everything together with vibes and cortisol.” …same.

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Why meeting your needs feels “selfish” (even when you’re literally falling apart)

If honoring your needs instantly triggers guilt, you’re not broken. You’re conditioned.

A lot of us were raised to believe that having needs was… an inconvenience.

You were praised for being the “easy kid.”
You got attention for being helpful.
You learned that making yourself small made you safe.

So now when you even think about prioritizing yourself, your brain is like:

“NOPE. That’s selfish. You’re a burden.”

And that belief creates a predictable cycle:

Ignore → Push through → Resent → Snap → Shame spiral → Repeat.

Here’s the part I want you to tattoo on your soul:

Unmet needs don’t disappear. They come out sideways.

They show up as:

irritability
control
scrolling
people-pleasing
anxiety
shutdown
“mom rage” that seems to come out of nowhere

Sometimes your “anger problem” is actually a cry for a nap, a snack, and five minutes where nobody touches you.

Needs vs. wants (and why both matter)

Let’s keep this simple:

A need keeps you functioning. A want makes life feel like life.

You need hydration.
You might want stillness.

You need food.
You might want a moment where nobody is twiddling your nipple like it’s a fidget toy. (Moms know.)

And here’s what happens when you ignore your wants long enough:

Your needs start to scream.

Because you’re not a machine. You’re a human. A human who needs survival and soul.

The 5 categories of needs (aka: the stuff you keep pretending you don’t need)

When you’re trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with you, try this instead:

“What need am I trying to meet with this behavior?”

Scrolling? Overstimulation.
Snapping? Depletion.
Avoiding? Fear or overwhelm.

Your body is talking. It’s giving you data.

Here are the core need categories to help you decode it:

Physical needs

Sleep, food, hydration, rest, movement, medical care

Emotional needs

Safety, calm, reassurance, space to process, not being the emotional dumpster for everyone else

Relational needs

Support, respect, repair, honesty, being seen

Mental needs

Clarity, fewer decisions, boundaries, less noise, time to think

Identity / spiritual needs

Purpose, meaning, creativity, solitude, play

And I need you to hear this clearly:

You are not “too much” for having needs.

Not one. Not five categories. Not any of it.

A quick needs check-in (no journaling required, unless you’re into that)

Our nervous systems are not built for constant survival mode. Even wild animals rest (yes, I learned this at the zoo).

So take a breath. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders.

Right now, in this season… what do you need more of?

Let a few words hit your body:

Rest. Support. Quiet. Connection. Clarity. Play. Space. Structure. Freedom. Health. Touch. Solitude. Stability. Encouragement. Boundaries. Movement. Nourishment.

Now ask yourself:

Where am I trying to survive without this?
What is one small way I can honor this need this week?

Not a new personality.
Not “new year new me.”
Not an overhaul.

Just small, sustainable changes you can repeat.

Why your intentions keep failing (and why it’s not a discipline problem)

Most people treat intentions like goals.

But they’re not the same thing.

A goal is about achievement.
An intention is about alignment.

A goal might be: “Get up at 5am.”
An intention underneath that might be: “Move slower. Protect my peace.”

Here’s the science-y part without making it annoying:

Research shows that simply knowing what you want isn’t enough—you need a plan for when, where, and how you’ll act. Those are called implementation intentions, and they increase follow-through.

Translation?

Intentions without structure are just wishes with good vibes.

The formula that makes intentions stick (even when life is chaotic)

This is the bridge between “I want this” and “I’m actually doing it”:

Need → Intention → Boundary → Support → Practice

1) Need

“I need calm.”
“I need support.”
“I need more time.”

2) Intention

“How do I want to show up?”

“My intention is to move slower.”
“I’m choosing alignment over approval.”
“I speak gently even when I’m stressed.”

3) Boundary

The bridge between intention and reality.

“I don’t answer texts after 8pm.”
“I don’t check my phone first thing in the morning.”
“I pause before I respond when I’m activated.”

4) Support

The part most people skip… and then they wonder why they “can’t stick with anything.”

Childcare swaps.
Meal prep help.
Calendar reminders (hello, Google Nest).
Therapy.
Accountability.

5) Practice

Not perfection. Practice.

Your daily rep.
The thing you do when you’re tired and tempted to fall back into old patterns.

A real-life example (because theory is cute, but Tuesdays are feral)

Need: Less overwhelm
Intention: Create space in my life
Boundary: Only one out-of-the-house thing per day
Support: Partner does bedtime two nights a week
Practice: Morning “Top 3” list instead of a 47-item doom to-do list

Why the Top 3 matters: when people consistently fail high, specific goals, it doesn’t just feel bad—research shows it can measurably drop motivation and self-esteem too.

So no, it’s not “you’re lazy.”
It’s “your strategy is setting you up to hate yourself.”

We’re not doing that anymore.

The 4 biggest blocks (and the reframe that helps you bulldoze them)

These blocks feel personal. They’re not. They’re predictable.

And predictable means changeable.

Block 1: Guilt

“If I take care of me, I’m taking away from them.”

Reframe:
When I meet my needs, I show up with more capacity, creativity, and care.

Block 2: People-pleasing

“If I disappoint someone, I’m unsafe.”

Reframe:
Discomfort isn’t danger. I can survive someone’s disappointment.

Block 3: Perfectionism

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it.”

Reframe:
I’m not here to perform. I’m here to practice.

Block 4: No systems

If your life is complete chaos, there is no amount of journaling that will save you from burnout.

Reframe:
Structure isn’t restriction. It’s scaffolding for freedom.

Your 2-minute Intention Set (do this today, not “someday”)

Write these down. Messy is fine.

A need I’ve been ignoring is: ______
My intention for this season is: ______
One boundary that supports this is: ______
One support I’m willing to ask for is: ______
My smallest repeatable practice is: ______

Not a rebrand.
Not a personality transplant.
Just small, honest honoring—repeated.

The real point: you’re not failing—you’re under-supported

If you’ve been trying to “fix yourself” with goals and routines and motivational quotes, consider this:

What if you don’t need more discipline?

What if you need more support and less shame?

Because your nervous system can’t “mindset” its way out of drowning.

So here’s your move:
Pick one need, one intention, one boundary, one support, and one practice.

And if you’re sitting there like, “Cool cool cool… I don’t even know what I need because I’ve been ignoring myself for ten years”—

Start here: take my free Stress Style Quiz. It’ll help you understand how you respond to overwhelm and what your nervous system actually needs so you can stop guessing and start regulating.

You don’t need a new personality.
You don’t need to earn your rest.

You need tools that match your actual wiring.

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Research Sources for the Podcast Episode

Access to Mental Health Care
“Current Access Needs in Mental Health” – One Mind
https://onemind.org/news/current-access-needs-in-mental-health
Emotional Regulation and Goal Pursuit
“Emotion regulation and goal pursuit: A review and future directions” – PMC
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6525657
Relational Neuroscience and Co-regulation
“Relational neuroscience: Implications for mental health care” – ScienceDirect
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2405452622000933
Implementation Intentions & Goal Achievement
“Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis” – ResearchGate
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/37367696_Implementation_Intentions_and_Goal_Achievement_A_Meta-Analysis_of_Effects_and_Processes
The Cost of Failed Goals
“Goal Missed, Self Hit: Goal-Setting, Goal-Failure, and Their Consequences” – Frontiers in Psychology
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.704790/full
The Intention-Behavior Gap
“Understanding the Intention–Behavior Gap” – PMC
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6125069
Health Behavior Change with Implementation Intentions
“Implementation intentions and health behaviour change” – Taylor & Francis
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10463283.2020.1808936