Listen, you’re not hopeless. You’re human. You’re learning to know better so you can do better and make it last.
Two things can be true. Mom life can be F*CKING HARD, and also, it can be beneficial for your brain.
There was a study from Rutgers & Yale—37,000 parents, so yeah, huge study—that showed parenting is like brain exercise. It sharpens your brain and keeps it young. We want younger skin, right? What about younger-looking brains?
So when you feel like you're the worst mom because you struggle to keep up or stay calm? Guess what, girlfriend. THAT is you getting better. That’s the awareness kicking in. Growth in progress, right now, in the middle of it.
One of the coolest parts? Dads showed the same benefits. Male and female brains don’t always react the same way but this one lines up. Every diaper change, every bedtime meltdown...it’s not hormonal. It’s BEHAVIORAL. Connecting and adjusting as parents MATTERS.
Every emotional conversation, every “hold it together” moment when everything’s falling apart? That’s shaping and sharpening you.
Stop Shaming Growth And Start Praising The Hard
We throw around stuff like toddler brain, mom brain, baby brain... and there’s always shame underneath, like it’s proof we’re broken. But honestly? We need to stop labeling every hard patch as failure and start seeing it as part of the journey. It’s easy to slap “life’s a journey, not a destination” on a mug—but when are we actually living like that’s true?
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
The truth is, we don’t. We default to guilt and shame. Like we’re defeated. For every exhausted parent out there: you are not ruined from pregnancy or parenthood. That spatial forgetfulness, that emotional exhaustion and dysregulation—that could be growth, not failure.
Imagine waking up and thinking: "even if today is hard, I’m coming out stronger".
And if you need facts to back that up, think hindsight bias. There’s a reason we say hindsight’s 20/20. You don’t always see it while you’re in it but that’s exactly how brains work. Every time you come out of a hard moment, you’ve learned something. That is how rewiring happens. That’s brain formation.
And I’ll tell you this for free (thanks Bluey 🤣): every argument you step into with that belief in mind feels less heavy. It’s just more intentional.
Beliefs like this change how we hold ourselves accountable. How we show compassion. How we model parenting to our kids. It shapes how we value our lives, our chaos, our day-to-day.
Like anything, it takes practice. Emotional regulation, connection and consistency are not just goals. They’re mental exercise. Like building up any other muscle.
Think of every hug as a brain curl. Every meltdown as a Russian twist. (Maybe your last Russian twist because, they too, are brutal 🤣.) And all those tone shifts? That’s your distance cardio. Ongoing. And going. And going...
You might get turned off by things that feel fluffy or woo-woo but this is not that.
It’s neuroscience.
And there’s real encouragement in knowing this meets you where you are: completely exhausted but still doing damn well and moving forward!
