Let me be real for a second.
There are days where I’m holding back tears over a laundry pile while my kid is literally licking the wall. And in that moment, some part of me still thinks: “I should be more present. I should be more grateful. I should be… more.”
But here's what recent neuroscience is showing--and it changes everything:
Being emotionally present for just 20 minutes a day can literally rewire a child’s brain.
Not in a fluffy, “just breathe and everything’s fine” way. In a real, science-backed, your-kid’s-neurons-are-reshaping-as-we-speak kind of way.
Trauma Isn’t Just Emotiona--It IS Physical HEALTH
New studies are finally confirming what so many trauma-informed parents and coaches have felt in their bones: childhood trauma rewires the brain. Specifically, it triggers neuroinflammation. The kind that impacts memory, mood and stress regulation for life.
That means kids who grow up in chaotic homes, with neglect, abuse, or even chronic emotional stress, may carry the effects deep into adulthood. (Yeah. Same.)
But here’s the silver lining:
Our brains can heal. And connection is a major part of that healing.
Laughter Builds Emotional Resilience--Not Just Memories
Another study from Penn State dropped a truth bomb: Humor used in parenting builds stronger relationships.
Now, I’m not talking about doing TikTok bits or performing for your kid like you're on SNL. I mean lightness. Joking in moments of stress. Smiling at their weird drawings even when you’ve had zero sleep.
The study found that when adults grew up with humorous parents, they were more likely to use humor in their own parenting. And that humor helped buffer stress and build emotional flexibility.
Translation? Goofy dads and messy moms with bad puns might actually be helping their kids develop stronger nervous systems.
Presence Is a Superpower. And It Takes Less Than You Think.
The new Australian documentary SEEN makes a bold claim: Twenty minutes a day of distraction-free connection can rewire your child’s brain.
Twenty minutes.
Twenty minutes.
That’s it.
Featuring neuroplasticity expert Professor Selena Bartlett and parenting educator Maggie Dent, the film shows us what happens when kids feel seen, heard, and safe if even just once a day.
And listen, it’s not about doing crafts with glitter(the freaking herpes of crafts) or reading them ten...thousand books at bedtime. It’s literally just being with them and giving them your undivided attention.
No phone in hand. No multitasking. Just eye contact, warmth, and listening. For 20 minutes.
(That might sound easy. But we both know it takes intention.)
When Laughter and Presence Meet Healing
Here’s what blows my mind: when you combine presence and humor, you’re not just parenting. You are literally reshaping how your child processes the world. It's amazing to think about.
You’re showing them:
- Safety can exist even in the mess.
- Playfulness isn’t childish. It is joy in action.
- They don’t have to perform to be loved.
And the thing is: when you offer those to your kid, you heal parts of you too. You re-parent the part of you that never got that kind of attention or grace.
You know what that’s called?
Yep, Cycle breaking.
Let’s Make This Tangible: Try These 5 Simple Prompts
You don’t need to overhaul your life. Just try one of these this week:
- “What made us laugh today?” (Write it down.)
- During bedtime or dinner, say: “Here’s what I saw you do today that made me proud…”
- Schedule a phone-free 20-minute block. Even if it’s while folding laundry together.
- Let your kid see you be silly. Make a joke. Dance bad on purpose.
- Ask your child: “When do you feel the most seen by me?” (Brace yourself for that one.)
Real Talk Wrap-Up
I can not stress this enough...you do need to be perfect! You do not need to be a therapist. You do not need to have all the tools memorized.
You just need:
- A little awareness
- A moment of presence
- A dash of laughter
That’s it.
You deserve to feel connected, safe, and playful--not just your kids.
So next time you feel that guilt creeping up on you, wondering if you’re doing enough...
Ask yourself: Did I show up authentically today? Did I offer presence or lightness, even once?
That’s the work. That’s the healing.
It's using the capacity you have to do your best.
And it counts. Every. Single. Time.
Listen, you’re not hopeless. You’re human. You’re learning to know better so you can do better and make it last.
Two things can be true. Mom life can be F*CKING HARD, and also, it can be beneficial for your brain.
There was a study from Rutgers & Yale—37,000 parents, so yeah, huge study—that showed parenting is like brain exercise. It sharpens your brain and keeps it young. We want younger skin, right? What about younger-looking brains?
So when you feel like you're the worst mom because you struggle to keep up or stay calm? Guess what, girlfriend. THAT is you getting better. That’s the awareness kicking in. Growth in progress, right now, in the middle of it.
One of the coolest parts? Dads showed the same benefits. Male and female brains don’t always react the same way but this one lines up. Every diaper change, every bedtime meltdown...it’s not hormonal. It’s BEHAVIORAL. Connecting and adjusting as parents MATTERS.
Every emotional conversation, every “hold it together” moment when everything’s falling apart? That’s shaping and sharpening you.
Stop Shaming Growth And Start Praising The Hard
We throw around stuff like toddler brain, mom brain, baby brain... and there’s always shame underneath, like it’s proof we’re broken. But honestly? We need to stop labeling every hard patch as failure and start seeing it as part of the journey. It’s easy to slap “life’s a journey, not a destination” on a mug—but when are we actually living like that’s true?
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
The truth is, we don’t. We default to guilt and shame. Like we’re defeated. For every exhausted parent out there: you are not ruined from pregnancy or parenthood. That spatial forgetfulness, that emotional exhaustion and dysregulation—that could be growth, not failure.
Imagine waking up and thinking: "even if today is hard, I’m coming out stronger".
And if you need facts to back that up, think hindsight bias. There’s a reason we say hindsight’s 20/20. You don’t always see it while you’re in it but that’s exactly how brains work. Every time you come out of a hard moment, you’ve learned something. That is how rewiring happens. That’s brain formation.
And I’ll tell you this for free (thanks Bluey 🤣): every argument you step into with that belief in mind feels less heavy. It’s just more intentional.
Beliefs like this change how we hold ourselves accountable. How we show compassion. How we model parenting to our kids. It shapes how we value our lives, our chaos, our day-to-day.
Like anything, it takes practice. Emotional regulation, connection and consistency are not just goals. They’re mental exercise. Like building up any other muscle.
Think of every hug as a brain curl. Every meltdown as a Russian twist. (Maybe your last Russian twist because, they too, are brutal 🤣.) And all those tone shifts? That’s your distance cardio. Ongoing. And going. And going...
You might get turned off by things that feel fluffy or woo-woo but this is not that.
It’s neuroscience.
And there’s real encouragement in knowing this meets you where you are: completely exhausted but still doing damn well and moving forward!
