In this blog post, we’ll explore how toxic parenting affects your mindset, how to heal while raising children, and practical strategies to ensure your kids grow up in a healthier environment than you did. If you’ve ever felt triggered by your child’s emotions, struggled with guilt, or found yourself repeating behaviors you swore you’d never mimic—this is for you.
What is a Toxic Parent?
A toxic parent isn’t just someone who was strict or set firm rules. Toxic parenting involves behaviors that are emotionally damaging and manipulative, often leading to lifelong struggles with self-worth, anxiety, and emotional regulation. Some common traits of toxic parents include:
- Dismissing or invalidating your feelings
- Using guilt, fear, or manipulation to control you
- Explosive anger and making you responsible for their emotions
- Ignoring or neglecting emotional needs
- Making love feel conditional on performance or obedience
If any of these sound familiar, it’s important to acknowledge that your childhood experiences were real and had an impact on you. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone.
How Toxic Parenting Affects You as a Parent
Even if you swore you’d never be like your parents, their behaviors can still show up in your own parenting—especially in high-stress moments. You might notice yourself:
- Doubting your parenting decisions and overanalyzing every choice
- Feeling overwhelmed by your child’s big emotions because you weren’t allowed to express your own
- Struggling with perfectionism and guilt, feeling like you need to be a “perfect” mom
- Overcompensating by giving your kids everything you never had
- Shutting down emotionally when parenting becomes too overwhelming
The good news? The fact that you’re aware of these patterns means you’re already breaking the cycle. Many people never even recognize these behaviors, but you have the self-awareness to make changes—and that’s powerful.
Steps to Healing While Raising Kids
Healing from toxic parenting is a journey, not a destination. Here are some actionable steps to help you heal while showing up as the parent you want to be.
1. Acknowledge & Validate Your Feelings
Your experiences were real, and they shaped who you are today. Healing starts with giving yourself permission to feel what you feel—without gaslighting yourself or making excuses for your parents. If it hurt you, it mattered.
2. Reparent Yourself
Reparenting means giving yourself the love, validation, and support you didn’t receive as a child. Ask yourself:
- What did I need as a child that I didn’t get?
- How can I give that to myself now?
- How can I provide that for my children?
If your parents dismissed your feelings, practice validating your own emotions. If you were never comforted, start offering yourself self-compassion. The more you heal your inner child, the more present and responsive you can be with your own kids.
3. Regulate Your Nervous System
Childhood trauma keeps your nervous system in survival mode, making it easy to react impulsively when triggered. The key is learning to self-regulate so you can respond instead of reacting.
Try:
- Deep breathing exercises (like box breathing or belly breathing)
- Taking an “empowered pause” before reacting
- Placing a hand on your heart and reminding yourself, “I am safe. I am in control.”
- Grounding techniques like touching something cold, counting objects, or listening to calming music
When you learn to regulate yourself, you can help your children do the same.
4. Teach Emotional Intelligence to Your Kids
Breaking the cycle means teaching your kids what you weren’t taught. Instead of shutting down their emotions like your parents may have done, help them navigate their feelings in a healthy way.
- Validate their emotions (“It’s okay to be sad. I’m here for you.”)
- Teach them words for their feelings (“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.”)
- Model self-regulation (“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”)
By giving your children emotional intelligence skills, you’re ensuring they won’t have to heal the same way you do.
5. Repair After Mistakes
You will make mistakes. That’s a fact. But the key to breaking the cycle isn’t being a perfect parent—it’s knowing how to repair when things go wrong.
- Apologize when necessary (“I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay.”)
- Show your child that mistakes are part of learning (“I got frustrated, but I’m working on being more patient.”)
- Model accountability and growth
Your children don’t need perfection—they need presence.
6. Set Boundaries with Toxic Parents
If your toxic parent is still in your life, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect your mental health and your children. Remember:
- You don’t owe them access to your children if they’re harmful
- You can set boundaries around communication, visits, and interactions
- Guilt is often a sign of conditioning, not actual wrongdoing
If you choose to stay in contact, enforce boundaries around toxic behaviors. If necessary, going low-contact or no-contact is a valid and healthy option.
Final Thoughts: You Are Enough
Healing from a toxic childhood while raising kids is challenging, but it’s absolutely possible. Every small step you take toward awareness, regulation, and connection is a step toward breaking the cycle for good.
Affirmation for Today:💬 “I am healing. I am breaking cycles. I am enough.”
You don’t have to be a perfect parent to raise emotionally healthy kids—you just need to be present and willing to grow.
Next Steps:
- Listen to the full podcast episode
- Share this post with a fellow parent who might need encouragement.
- Follow me on social media for more tips on cycle-breaking and conscious parenting.
You’ve got this. And I’m cheering for you.
*Trigger Warning: This post discusses domestic abuse and may be upsetting to some readers.
In this candid interview, we delve into the harrowing experiences of Taylor Graham, a survivor of domestic abuse. Her story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and a stark reminder of the insidious nature of domestic violence.
A Deceptive Beginning
Taylor's journey began innocently enough, with a promising college romance. Her partner, a seemingly devout man, painted a picture of a future filled with love, faith, and family. However, beneath the surface, a darker side was emerging.
The Cycle of Abuse
As the relationship progressed, Taylor found herself trapped in a cycle of emotional and physical abuse. Her partner employed a variety of tactics to isolate and control her, including:
- Religious Manipulation: Using religious beliefs to justify controlling behavior and limiting social interactions.
- Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, belittling, and gaslighting to erode self-esteem and undermine confidence.
- Physical Abuse: Acts of violence, including physical assault and property damage.
The Impact of Isolation
One of the most insidious tactics used by abusers is isolation. By cutting off victims from their support systems, abusers gain greater control and make it more difficult for victims to seek help. Taylor's partner systematically isolated her from friends and family, leaving her feeling alone and vulnerable.
The Power of Awareness
A pivotal moment in Taylor's journey came when she began to recognize the signs of narcissistic behavior in her partner. By educating herself on the tactics used by abusers, she was able to break through the fog of manipulation and see the reality of her situation.
The Courage to Break Free
With newfound awareness and the support of a close friend, Taylor made the courageous decision to leave her abusive relationship. The process of leaving was fraught with danger and uncertainty, but she persevered, prioritizing her safety and the well-being of her children.
The Road to Recovery
The road to recovery has been a challenging one, marked by emotional turmoil and self-doubt. However, with the help of therapy, support groups, and a strong support system, Taylor has made significant progress. She has learned to rebuild her self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate positive relationships.
A Message of Hope
Taylor's story is a beacon of hope for survivors of domestic abuse. Her journey highlights the importance of:
- Recognizing the Signs: Learning to identify the red flags of abusive behavior.
- Seeking Support: Reaching out to friends, family, or professional help.
- Breaking the Cycle: Taking steps to leave the abusive relationship and rebuild your life.
- Healing and Recovery: Committing to the healing process and seeking support from therapists and support groups.
Remember, you are not alone. You deserve to live a life free from fear and violence.
Resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org
- Local shelters and advocacy organizations that provide legal aid, counseling, and housing.
- Financial and emotional support programs for single parents.
- The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE
- Love Is Respect: https://www.loveisrespect.org/
- The Jed Foundation: https://jedfoundation.org/
Taylor Graham: Snapchat TayG2525 or find her on Facebook
Growing up in a neglectful or toxic household can leave lasting scars, but it also provides an opportunity to break the cycle and create a healthier environment for the next generation. And it only takes one person to shift the trajectory. This journey is deeply personal and requires a commitment to change, but it's absolutely possible. Let's explore how you can take control of your healing process, hold yourself accountable for making positive changes, and remove violence from your parenting style.
Healing is Your Decision
One of the first steps in changing your parenting pattern is recognizing that healing is a personal journey. No one else can decide if you get to heal; that decision rests solely with you. It's important to give yourself permission to let go of past pains and embrace a future filled with love and understanding. Healing doesn't mean forgetting or excusing past neglect or toxicity; it means acknowledging your past and choosing to move forward in a healthier way.
Start by seeking support, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends. These resources can provide you with the tools and encouragement needed to navigate your healing journey. Remember, it's okay to seek help; it's a sign of strength, not weakness.
Accountability and Making Big Changes
Once you've decided to heal, the next step is holding yourself accountable. This involves a conscious effort to make big changes and parent differently than what you experienced. Accountability means being honest with yourself about the behaviors and patterns you want to change and taking deliberate steps to make those changes happen.
Warning: It's FUCKING hard! But so worth it so --
Set specific goals for your parenting journey. This might include creating a more open and communicative relationship with your children or establishing a home environment based on respect and trust. Keep track of your progress and celebrate small victories along the way.
Surround yourself or fill your feed with role models who exhibit the parenting style you aspire to. Learn from their experiences and seek their guidance when faced with challenges. Remember, change takes time, and it's okay to stumble as long as you keep moving forward.
Removing Violence in the Form of Hitting
One of the most significant changes you can make is removing violence from your parenting, particularly in the form of hitting. Physical discipline can perpetuate the cycle of violence and negatively impact your child's emotional and psychological well-being.
Instead, focus on alternative discipline methods that emphasize communication and understanding. Techniques like time-outs, natural consequences, and positive reinforcement can be effective in teaching your child right from wrong without resorting to physical punishment.
Educate yourself on child development and the reasons behind certain behaviors. Understanding why your child acts a certain way can help you respond more effectively and empathetically. Remember, every moment is a teaching opportunity, and your actions can model the behavior you want your children to emulate.
Creating a Positive Home Environment
Creating a nurturing and supportive home environment is crucial in breaking the cycle of neglect and toxicity. Foster open communication by encouraging your children to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Listen actively and validate their emotions, showing them that their voice matters.
Establish routines and traditions that promote family bonding, such as regular family meals, game nights, or weekend outings. These activities can strengthen your family unit and provide a sense of stability and security for your children.
Prioritize self-care and model it for your children. Show them the importance of taking care of oneself, both physically and emotionally, and encourage them to do the same. A healthy parent is better equipped to provide a loving and supportive environment for their children.
Changing the pattern of parenting after growing up in a neglectful and toxic household is a challenging but rewarding journey. By deciding to heal, holding yourself accountable, removing violence from your parenting, and creating a positive home environment, you can break the cycle and provide a nurturing upbringing for your children.
Remember, you have the power to shape your family's future. Embrace the journey with compassion and resilience, and know that every step you take toward positive change is a step toward a brighter future for you and your children.
If you need help with that, that's where I come in. Contact me to get personalized coaching tailored to creating your personal parenting map.
*AI-assisted
