Why Every Cycle-Breaking, Healing Mom Needs to Read Beyond Behaviors
And what it teaches us about what's really going on with our kids
If you’re a healing mom trying to do things differently than how you were raised—Beyond Behaviors by Dr. Mona Delahooke might just become your new parenting go-to.
This book isn’t just for psychologists or educators. It’s for every cycle breaker who's ever thought:
- “Why won’t my kid just listen?!”
- “Is something wrong with them… or with me?”
- “Why do I feel so triggered by tantrums?”
- “How do I actually help my child, not just control them?”
Dr. Delahooke gently (but powerfully) shifts the entire lens through which we view behavior—moving us away from punishment, sticker charts, and quick fixes, and into the root of what’s really going on: the nervous system.
Let’s unpack what makes this book a must-read for emotionally aware moms doing the deep work.
What Beyond Behaviors Is All About
At its core, Beyond Behaviors introduces a trauma-informed, neurodevelopmental approach to child behavior. Translation? It helps you understand your kid’s meltdowns, shutdowns, or “bad attitude” through the lens of nervous system dysregulation—not manipulation or defiance.
Dr. Delahooke, a clinical psychologist with decades of experience, makes one radical (and scientifically grounded) claim:
Behavior is a communication of an internal state—not a sign of disobedience.
This is the book for the mom who’s tired of yelling. Tired of guilt. Tired of googling “how to get my kid to behave” at 11 p.m.
It’s also for the mom who knows—deep down—that punishments and power struggles aren’t working but doesn’t know what to do instead.
Big Takeaways for Healing Moms
Let’s break down a few transformative ideas from the book and why they matter if you’re a healing mom and cycle breaker.
1. The Behavior Isn’t the Problem
Most traditional parenting models assume the behavior is the issue. But Beyond Behaviors teaches us that behavior is the symptom, not the cause.
When your child is melting down over socks or won’t get in the car seat, your nervous system might scream, “Make it stop!” But Dr. Delahooke asks you to pause and get curious: What’s happening underneath? Is your child overstimulated? Hungry? Disconnected? Or just struggling to self-regulate?
This approach brings compassion without losing structure. It doesn’t mean letting your kid walk all over you. It means decoding the signals with empathy instead of reacting with control.
2. Regulation First, Then Reasoning
Cognitive distortions—those tricky thought patterns we all have, like catastrophizing or black-and-white thinking—don’t just show up in us. Our kids can’t even access higher reasoning when they’re dysregulated. Their brains are literally offline.
This insight alone can be life-changing. It means your job isn’t to “fix the behavior” in the heat of the moment. It’s to create safety first—co-regulating so your child can return to their thinking brain.
As healing moms, we often had the opposite done to us growing up. We were told to “get it together” or “go to our room” instead of being met with understanding. Beyond Behaviors gives us the roadmap to do it differently.
3. The Power of Observation Over Judgment
Dr. Delahooke shares practical tools for observing behavior through what she calls the “Polyvagal lens”—basically, the science of how safety and connection impact the nervous system.
She encourages what she calls "deep seeing"—noticing the body language, facial expressions, and physiological signs that tell you what your child might be feeling before they act out.
It’s a gentle nudge for the healing mom who sometimes slips into old patterns or cognitive distortions like “My kid is being dramatic” or “They’re doing this on purpose.”
Instead, we get curious. We slow down. We look beneath the surface.
Cycle-Breaking Isn’t Always Calm—But It Can Be Conscious
Let’s be real: this kind of parenting isn’t always pretty. It takes self-awareness. It takes deconstructing decades of conditioning. It takes regulation when your own nervous system is screaming “Fight or flight!”
That’s why Beyond Behaviors is so validating for the cycle-breaking mom. It doesn’t shame you for being triggered or having a short fuse. It equips you with tools that meet you with grace and accountability.
It helps you stop taking your child’s behavior personally—and start seeing it as an opportunity for connection, not correction.
Who Should Read This Book?
Honestly? Anyone who works with, lives with, or loves children. But especially:
- Healing moms who want to ditch punishment-based parenting
- Parents of neurodivergent kiddos or kids with trauma histories
- Cycle breakers doing the deep work of reparenting themselves
- Educators, therapists, and caregivers seeking trauma-informed approaches
Final Thoughts: A Book That Changes More Than Just Parenting
Reading Beyond Behaviors is more than just a parenting strategy upgrade. It’s a nervous system shift.
It will challenge you. It will stretch you. But it will also empower you to lead your family with empathy, science, and emotional safety—something many of us never got growing up.
If you’re a healing mom who’s tired of yelling and ready to raise emotionally resilient kids without losing yourself in the process—this book is a damn good place to start.
Because the truth is: you’re not just raising children.
You’re healing generations.
And that? That’s the most Heartcore thing you could ever do.
P.S. Want more support on your cycle-breaking journey?
Grab my free In Case of Emotional Emergency Cheat Sheet—your go-to tool for when sh*t hits the fan and your nervous system is fried. It’s got scripts, grounding tools, and quick reminders to keep you regulated when your kid is losing it (or you are).
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