The Surprising Science of Laughter, Presence & Parenting Through Trauma

Let me be real for a second.

There are days where I’m holding back tears over a laundry pile while my kid is literally licking the wall. And in that moment, some part of me still thinks: “I should be more present. I should be more grateful. I should be… more.”

But here's what recent neuroscience is showing--and it changes everything:

Being emotionally present for just 20 minutes a day can literally rewire a child’s brain.

Not in a fluffy, “just breathe and everything’s fine” way. In a real, science-backed, your-kid’s-neurons-are-reshaping-as-we-speak kind of way.

Trauma Isn’t Just Emotiona--It IS Physical HEALTH

New studies are finally confirming what so many trauma-informed parents and coaches have felt in their bones: childhood trauma rewires the brain. Specifically, it triggers neuroinflammation. The kind that impacts memory, mood and stress regulation for life.

That means kids who grow up in chaotic homes, with neglect, abuse, or even chronic emotional stress, may carry the effects deep into adulthood. (Yeah. Same.)

But here’s the silver lining:

Our brains can heal. And connection is a major part of that healing.

Laughter Builds Emotional Resilience--Not Just Memories

Another study from Penn State dropped a truth bomb: Humor used in parenting builds stronger relationships.

Now, I’m not talking about doing TikTok bits or performing for your kid like you're on SNL. I mean lightness. Joking in moments of stress. Smiling at their weird drawings even when you’ve had zero sleep.

The study found that when adults grew up with humorous parents, they were more likely to use humor in their own parenting. And that humor helped buffer stress and build emotional flexibility.

Translation? Goofy dads and messy moms with bad puns might actually be helping their kids develop stronger nervous systems.

Presence Is a Superpower. And It Takes Less Than You Think.

The new Australian documentary SEEN makes a bold claim: Twenty minutes a day of distraction-free connection can rewire your child’s brain.

Twenty minutes.

That’s it.

Featuring neuroplasticity expert Professor Selena Bartlett and parenting educator Maggie Dent, the film shows us what happens when kids feel seen, heard, and safe if even just once a day.

And listen, it’s not about doing crafts with glitter(the freaking herpes of crafts) or reading them ten...thousand books at bedtime. It’s literally just being with them and giving them your undivided attention.

No phone in hand. No multitasking. Just eye contact, warmth, and listening. For 20 minutes.

(That might sound easy. But we both know it takes intention.)

When Laughter and Presence Meet Healing

Here’s what blows my mind: when you combine presence and humor, you’re not just parenting. You are literally reshaping how your child processes the world. It's amazing to think about.

You’re showing them:

Safety can exist even in the mess.
Playfulness isn’t childish. It is joy in action.
They don’t have to perform to be loved.

And the thing is: when you offer those to your kid, you heal parts of you too. You re-parent the part of you that never got that kind of attention or grace.

You know what that’s called?

Yep, Cycle breaking.

Let’s Make This Tangible: Try These 5 Simple Prompts

You don’t need to overhaul your life. Just try one of these this week:

“What made us laugh today?” (Write it down.)
During bedtime or dinner, say: “Here’s what I saw you do today that made me proud…”
Schedule a phone-free 20-minute block. Even if it’s while folding laundry together.
Let your kid see you be silly. Make a joke. Dance bad on purpose.
Ask your child: “When do you feel the most seen by me?” (Brace yourself for that one.)