From Reacting to Responding

Parenting isn’t just about raising kids—it’s about raising ourselves, too. The way we show up, the things we say (or don’t say), and even the thoughts running through our heads all play a role in how we parent. And if you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of yelling, guilt, or frustration, you’re not alone.

In this episode, I sat down with Michelle Tovar, a longtime Montessori teacher turned parent coach, and we had one of those conversations—the kind that makes you rethink the stories you’ve been telling yourself about parenting. Michelle helps parents break generational patterns, stop reacting from stress, and start leading with confidence and connection.

How Our Mindset Shapes Our Parenting

One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation? Parenting struggles are almost never about the kids. They’re about us—our nervous systems, our beliefs, our unresolved stuff from childhood that sneaks into how we react.

Michelle and I talked about those moments when our patience wears thin—when we feel like our kids just won’t listen, or when we snap and immediately feel that wave of guilt. What if those moments weren’t proof that we’re failing? What if they were actually invitations to pause, check in with ourselves, and rewrite the story we’re telling?

Because here’s the thing: Our nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a toddler’s tantrum and an actual crisis. If we grew up in homes where yelling meant danger, or where we felt unheard, our bodies might react as if our child’s big feelings are a threat. But they’re not.

Michelle shared something that really hit home: We don’t have to be perfect to be great parents. What matters most is how we repair, how we reconnect, and how we show our kids that it’s safe to have big feelings.

Some key shifts we discussed:
✅ Instead of “Why won’t they just listen?” → Try “What’s making this so hard for them right now?”
✅ Instead of “I’m failing because I lost my temper.” → Try “This is a sign I need a break, not a sign I’m a bad parent.”
✅ Instead of “They’re being difficult.” → Try “They’re having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.”

When we change the way we see a situation, we change the way we respond to it. And when we shift from reacting to leading, everything changes.

Breaking Free from the Guilt Loop

So many of us carry guilt—guilt about the times we’ve yelled, the times we weren’t fully present, the times we let exhaustion take over. But guilt doesn’t have to be a weight we carry. It can be a signal—a gentle nudge that says, “Hey, let’s do this differently next time.”

Michelle talked about the power of self-compassion in parenting. If we want our kids to grow up feeling loved even when they mess up, we need to show ourselves that same grace.

What If Parenting Felt Lighter?

Imagine parenting without the pressure of being perfect. Imagine seeing those tough moments as chances to connect instead of proof that you’re messing up. That’s the shift Michelle is helping parents make—moving from control and frustration to trust and connection.

If this conversation resonated with you, take a deep breath and remember: You are already a good parent. The fact that you care enough to learn and grow? That’s proof

Let me know your biggest takeaway! What’s one mindset shift you’re working on in your parenting right now? Leave a comment or message me on Instagram—I’d love to hear from you!

Connect with Michelle:

Listen to the full episode: