In this blog post, we’ll explore how toxic parenting affects your mindset, how to heal while raising children, and practical strategies to ensure your kids grow up in a healthier environment than you did. If you’ve ever felt triggered by your child’s emotions, struggled with guilt, or found yourself repeating behaviors you swore you’d never mimic—this is for you.
What is a Toxic Parent?
A toxic parent isn’t just someone who was strict or set firm rules. Toxic parenting involves behaviors that are emotionally damaging and manipulative, often leading to lifelong struggles with self-worth, anxiety, and emotional regulation. Some common traits of toxic parents include:
- Dismissing or invalidating your feelings
- Using guilt, fear, or manipulation to control you
- Explosive anger and making you responsible for their emotions
- Ignoring or neglecting emotional needs
- Making love feel conditional on performance or obedience
If any of these sound familiar, it’s important to acknowledge that your childhood experiences were real and had an impact on you. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone.
How Toxic Parenting Affects You as a Parent
Even if you swore you’d never be like your parents, their behaviors can still show up in your own parenting—especially in high-stress moments. You might notice yourself:
- Doubting your parenting decisions and overanalyzing every choice
- Feeling overwhelmed by your child’s big emotions because you weren’t allowed to express your own
- Struggling with perfectionism and guilt, feeling like you need to be a “perfect” mom
- Overcompensating by giving your kids everything you never had
- Shutting down emotionally when parenting becomes too overwhelming
The good news? The fact that you’re aware of these patterns means you’re already breaking the cycle. Many people never even recognize these behaviors, but you have the self-awareness to make changes—and that’s powerful.
Steps to Healing While Raising Kids
Healing from toxic parenting is a journey, not a destination. Here are some actionable steps to help you heal while showing up as the parent you want to be.
1. Acknowledge & Validate Your Feelings
Your experiences were real, and they shaped who you are today. Healing starts with giving yourself permission to feel what you feel—without gaslighting yourself or making excuses for your parents. If it hurt you, it mattered.
2. Reparent Yourself
Reparenting means giving yourself the love, validation, and support you didn’t receive as a child. Ask yourself:
- What did I need as a child that I didn’t get?
- How can I give that to myself now?
- How can I provide that for my children?
If your parents dismissed your feelings, practice validating your own emotions. If you were never comforted, start offering yourself self-compassion. The more you heal your inner child, the more present and responsive you can be with your own kids.
3. Regulate Your Nervous System
Childhood trauma keeps your nervous system in survival mode, making it easy to react impulsively when triggered. The key is learning to self-regulate so you can respond instead of reacting.
Try:
- Deep breathing exercises (like box breathing or belly breathing)
- Taking an “empowered pause” before reacting
- Placing a hand on your heart and reminding yourself, “I am safe. I am in control.”
- Grounding techniques like touching something cold, counting objects, or listening to calming music
When you learn to regulate yourself, you can help your children do the same.
4. Teach Emotional Intelligence to Your Kids
Breaking the cycle means teaching your kids what you weren’t taught. Instead of shutting down their emotions like your parents may have done, help them navigate their feelings in a healthy way.
- Validate their emotions (“It’s okay to be sad. I’m here for you.”)
- Teach them words for their feelings (“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.”)
- Model self-regulation (“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”)
By giving your children emotional intelligence skills, you’re ensuring they won’t have to heal the same way you do.
5. Repair After Mistakes
You will make mistakes. That’s a fact. But the key to breaking the cycle isn’t being a perfect parent—it’s knowing how to repair when things go wrong.
- Apologize when necessary (“I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay.”)
- Show your child that mistakes are part of learning (“I got frustrated, but I’m working on being more patient.”)
- Model accountability and growth
Your children don’t need perfection—they need presence.
6. Set Boundaries with Toxic Parents
If your toxic parent is still in your life, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect your mental health and your children. Remember:
- You don’t owe them access to your children if they’re harmful
- You can set boundaries around communication, visits, and interactions
- Guilt is often a sign of conditioning, not actual wrongdoing
If you choose to stay in contact, enforce boundaries around toxic behaviors. If necessary, going low-contact or no-contact is a valid and healthy option.
Final Thoughts: You Are Enough
Healing from a toxic childhood while raising kids is challenging, but it’s absolutely possible. Every small step you take toward awareness, regulation, and connection is a step toward breaking the cycle for good.
Affirmation for Today:💬 “I am healing. I am breaking cycles. I am enough.”
You don’t have to be a perfect parent to raise emotionally healthy kids—you just need to be present and willing to grow.
Next Steps:
- Listen to the full podcast episode
- Share this post with a fellow parent who might need encouragement.
- Follow me on social media for more tips on cycle-breaking and conscious parenting.
You’ve got this. And I’m cheering for you.
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