If you’ve ever caught yourself mid-snap at your kid and thought, “Oh God, I sound just like my mother…” —you’re not the only one girlfriend. Cycle-breaking is MESSY work. It’s emotional, nerve-wracking and definitely not one of those “set it and forget it” kind of things.
An article from Parents.com breaks down exactly what parents nowadays find hardest about trying to break those generational patterns—and honestly, it’s not what you’d expect.
Read the full article →
Read the full article →
What Are Generational Parenting Norms?
Basically: all the automatic ways we were parented that don’t necessarily serve us (or our kids) anymore. Think:
- Yelling as a default stress response
- Ignoring emotional needs (“you’re fine, stop crying”)
- Parenting through guilt or shame
The tricky part? These aren’t just conscious choices—they’re body-level habits baked into us from childhood. That means, while they may take conscious effort, the triggers and reactions aren't conscious more often than not.
What Parents Actually Struggle With Most
According to the article, it’s not just “learning gentle parenting techniques.” It’s:
- Pausing before reacting (especially when triggered)
- Repairing after mistakes (saying “I was wrong” out loud)
- Managing nervous system responses (not snapping just because we’re dysregulated)
If you’ve ever walked away from a moment with your kids thinking, “Why did I freak out over that?”—you’re feeling it firsthand.
Why This Hits So Deep: It’s About Nervous System Patterns
One of the key insights from both parents and experts in the article? Emotional regulation isn’t just mindset stuff. It’s nervous system work.
When we get overwhelmed, our bodies default to fight, flight, freeze—or for many moms, fawn. That’s why no amount of Pinterest-worthy parenting strategies can stick if we’re running on burnout and survival mode.
How To Start Breaking The Cycle (Without Burning Out)
Here’s what I tell my coaching clients:
- Micro-pauses matter. You don’t need to overhaul everything. Start by buying yourself five seconds before reacting.
- Normalize repair. Messing up doesn’t make you a bad mom. Never apologizing does.
- Work with your nervous system, not against it. Breathwork, body scans, cold water—small things help anchor you back to center.
Basically What I'm Trying to Say Is You’re Not Ruined, You’re Just Rewiring
Breaking generational cycles isn’t about perfection. It’s about getting real honest with yourself and choosing to show up differently. Even if that looks like holding your breath before responding. Or coming back later and saying, “Hey, messed up and I'm sorry.”
We all have our things. But we also have the power to do things differently. One moment at a time.
Best,
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