Authoritative parenting is often described as the "Goldilocks" approach to parenting. It is a balanced style that combines warmth and control. Flexibility and firmness. Unlike authoritarian parenting, which is strict and demanding, and permissive parenting, which is lenient and indulgent, authoritative parenting aims to strike a harmonious balance between these two extremes.
There are so many skeptical people out there and they often say "gentle parenting doesn't work for my kids" or "it does't work for everyone". I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that love, respect and kindness works for everyone. It just depends on what you actually want out of the situation. It's more often that the "working" part means they are valuing the control more than the connection.
Many people think "well, yeah they need to do as I say!". This may be true and my follow up question to that is "do you want them to do it because it's the right thing to do or because you said so?"
THIS is where the magic happens.
Of course we want them to do the right thing, we all do as parents.
The sticky point is that the approach doesn't always support the person. Yes person. 2 year old person, 5 year old person, 10 year old person etc. Often we don't look at them as people and more often they're looked as as a thing that needs manages rather than a person that needs guided.
So what does this parenting style really look like?
Warmth and Responsiveness
Authoritative parents create a nurturing and supportive environment by demonstrating love, care, and emotional connection with their children. They are attentive to their children's needs and feelings, making them feel valued and understood. This emotional connection is essential for building strong bonds and fostering trust.
Clear Expectations and Limits
While authoritative parents are warm and responsive, they also set clear boundaries and rules. They are consistent in enforcing these guidelines, helping children understand what is expected of them. This consistency provides a sense of security and aids in the development of self-discipline.
Communication and Listening
Authoritative parents actively listen to their children's thoughts and feelings. They encourage open and honest communication, creating a safe space for children to express themselves without fear of judgment. This open dialogue helps parents understand their children's perspectives and make informed decisions.
Respect and Independence
Authoritative parents respect their children's opinions and feelings. They encourage independence and autonomy, allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions. This fosters a sense of responsibility and self-esteem. This can be a part that brings up resistance for parents that are newer to this style.
Often fears and stories come up that say "but what if". Think of A Goofy Movie right? "Under your thumb Goof."
Anything we do from the "What If Fear", does not serve us. So let's combat that right now...
The Benefits of Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting has been linked to numerous benefits for children, including:
- Stronger relationships with parents: Children raised by authoritative parents often develop closer and more trusting relationships with their caregivers.
- Higher self-esteem: Authoritative parenting can help children develop a positive self-image and a strong sense of self-worth.
- Better academic performance: Children raised with an authoritative style tend to perform better in school and have higher academic achievements.
- Fewer behavioral problems: Authoritative parenting has been shown to reduce the likelihood of children engaging in problematic behaviors, such as aggression or delinquency.
- Reduced risk of substance abuse: Children raised by authoritative parents are less likely to develop substance abuse problems.
- Positive mental health outcomes: Authoritative parenting can contribute to children's emotional well-being and reduce the risk of mental health issues.
Suffice it to say striking a balance between warmth and control, authoritative parents can provide their children with a loving, supportive, and nurturing environment that sets them up for success in life long term.
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